My Memory of Her Nips is a Blur...

As a proud owner of a pair myself I gotta tell ya, nipples rock (oh, and in case the nipple police hadn't noticed guys have them too, but the only ones that really offend people--of course--are the female kind).

Those hard (or soft), perky (or puffy), pink (or brown), long (or stubby) protuberances at the apex of a (gasp) breast (oh, my God) are natural, pretty damn tiny (given the entire mass of most women's bodies) and the last time I looked, incapable of murder, rape, bludgeoning, or even verbal abuse of others (or their owners). Somehow though, they are d-a-n-g-e-r-o-u-s. So dangerous that, unlike spectacularly colored entrails, exploding head wounds and gushing dismemberments, those little round flesh-colored nubs can NOT be seen on TeeVee by human eyes, even if those eyes are those of adults (even really old adults who probably could care less about pink anythings anymore).

I mean there is now (finally--phew) an electronic gizmo that can take the worry out of everybody's prurient little minds, that erases (well, blurs) those weapons pf mass destruction right off women's bodies. Damn, now women can be viewed as anatomically correct as Barbie dolls. Now that's scientific progress.

"'What we have are media executives coming around trying to suggest they should protect us from this, because they're trying to protect themselves,' says Mr. Jarvis. 'Is there really going to be an outcry? In fact, shouldn't the person who causes that outcry be embarrassed?'

Mr. Jarvis adds: 'At some point, I think this becomes a case for the National Organization for Women. Going back to Janet Jackson, when did people's lives get ruined by seeing a breast?'"